Ida.

Bara för att.
Jag tänker på allt jag fick och alla människor som kom totalt som gåvor från ovan
Saknar så det gör ont vissa dagar. Som att det går int att hitta samma frihet här, var är den?
I mitt eget liv. Total glädje. Total älskad.
Fortfarande, men ibland känns drömmarna, som egentligen är min verklighet eller påväg att bli, så långt borta.

Thank you God for making me so wonderful, that's a sentence I have started to hide deep in my heart, and I'm seriously feeling that way, and that is marvellous to feel amazing. God can change hearts u know, totally. And it is so good and hopegiving, even for myself. To see that God has changed my heart, and to know he can do it again, cause I still have plenty stuff that I'm fighting with. My goal is upwards, and I'm going to the nextlevel, taking next step when God is telling me hey, up with u lazygirl. I love God, badbadbadbad. Some days, it just feels like pressure to know God, all these minutes and hours I shud put on searching his face and glory and tasks and heart... but when God is turning my eyes and my heart, and just putting them straight on him to let me see what everything is about then I can't feel pressure any more. It will always be days which will feel hard and sometimes even totally unnecessary.. but God has it in his hands and everything is about Him. I'm longing to really walk in the plans of God, and I know I am on my way all the time. I thank God for mercy, cause I have recognized I need it pretty often.. 50 times a day or something.. I wish I could show God to people more, only by existing and living a life that pleases him. I am 20 years and engaged, and there is so much for me to come by the grace of God, it is amazing and I am so looking forward to see what will happen. I got the best man to be of them all, totally cool how God can put two persons together just like that, from total different places.. and it all just works out perfectly. We do have our challenges.. for example how to get back together.. :D but, we are trusting God for working that out too, and I know he will, he did it last time and he surely can and will do it again.



u want to find ur real face? Search God. I wish I could get u guys to feel the feeling I'm having right now. I know exactly what I mean, but no words are coming. U wont find urself before u find God, u know that, right? Maybe it is time to give it a try, I promise, it is a lot more fun and better and intresting and giving to live as who u are made to be.. than to search in a lot of different stuff and when u are old finally turn to Jesus.. do it as young and ur life will be wow. God loves u, are u ready to let his love reach ur heart?

OOOOOOOOOH.  A 145.5 degrees turn just like that, totally, ubercool awesome. Wowowowow. My life is something I never ever, like only 6 months ago, could have imagined. Even though I was in Guyana and started to understand things, I could have never thought it would become like this.

A lot of stuff going on right now, a lot of decisions to make and I'm really having a hardtime sometimes to keep my mind and soul focused on what I really am supposed to do. At times I'm so confused that I am only lying in my bed stirring in the roof, and sometimes I'm so filled with joy and greatfulness so I can't stand the quietness that sometimes is around me. I'm enjoying my friends so much and I am enjoying to see new things happening, even if some of these things are stuff I can't see with my eyes as yet.

Life is kind of beautiful
at least when God is painting it

Though the sorrows may last for the night joy comes with the morning! I'm having a time in my life when I really get to see how faithful and true God is, and how he works when we are weak. It's frustrating, but I'm holding on to God and His word. Actually, I'm feeling really good and happy, but the circumstances are taking me down once in a while.. it's a good thing I know that God always lifts me up again when I fall. God has His own time, like He really wants me to understand that :). I'm keeping it up, and I'm loving my God.

My life is changed, in many ways. My way of thinking and acting have changed, my heart is being transformed by my Father in heaven. I know people like the change they see, but I also know people being disturbed by what they see. I am glad I am changed, and I am not going back. Well, yes, it is true, I have a man in my life. but the changes is not all because of him, right? Jesus is the reason, for everything, also for me and Q. Suddenly english is a language that I enjoy to speak.. :) things that I never could have dreamed of are now happening, haha :) God is good, I'm telling you.

I am pressed but not crushed
persecuted not abandoned
strucked down but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure
that His joy is going to be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
Joy comes in the morning.

This is it. wohooooo.

• my bigbro is now married. congrats :)
• this is Q, my beautiful. :)
• I kinda miss my plats and my tan lol
• Fia is finally home :)

To be continued.

Well let me tell you.
Now is the time for me to figure out what I want to do for the next coming months. I need a summerjob, I need to decide whether I'm going to study this autumn or not, and where in the world I want to be. I mean, almost all doors are open, I really don't have a clue of which one I should choose to enter. The sad thing is, even though many doors are open, I can't find even one thing I would like to study. I know things I might need, but it just doesn't sound fun to go to that school. at all. I guess the biggest nono about studying is exactly the studying. I don't feel like entering school again. well, things will be clearer in a while, I'm trusting God for giving me some good glasses so I can see clearly.

like bad.

Thanks to God I got to chat with 3 different guyanafriends today, so I'll survive for a while more. I'm telling you, I'm going back there. at least for some visits. I enjoy Finland, really I do. But seems like some people came to mean a lot for me, and more than one that is. Believe it or not.

I love them. When I'm standing in the back just observing, and I see them praising God with everything they are, oh my. My heart goes boooom. It is amazing to see a young person starting to develop him-/herself and just get changed in the presence of the Lord. To see a person understand new things and making it reality in his/her life, to see God stretching down His hand towards them, and the youths just grab it. The most amazing thing is when I see a person starting to use his/her gift to glorify our God. That feeling is woow. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be one of them. And I am so looking forward to this spring, I'm pretty sure God has a lot in store for us :). Let's seek and grab and never let it go.

---

Numera vet jag att jag befinner mig i Finland. De e kallt och snöigt men jag enjoyar nog det hårt. Denna vår (detta år också) blir spännande. Som mer än någonsin. hahaaa :). Jag vet att jag är fast i kvevlax till Sommarlovet, men sen är hela världen öppen än en gång. Helt galet. Och det är SKÖNT och FRIDFULLT att int veta vad som händer, och hur vissa saker ska fungera. Jag bara LITAR på HONOM. mmmm. Det faktum att det finns massor av helsköna ungdomar här i dessa trakter gör denna vår ännu gemytligare. och det faktum att det har hänt en del på sistone.

MVV var mycket annorlunda och mycket bra. Det var nog en annan Ida som var där detta år. Skönt va de. Jag trivdes med mina små chocker och uppenbarelser och guyananska impulser.

Nu har jag börjat mitt nya jobb som assistent på skolan. Det blir intressant minnsann, men gå nu int och börja tro att dit for hon. Jag har int i mina planer att bli varken vuxen (vuxen som tråkig)(vuxen på vissa plan måst man helt enkelt bara bli)eller lärare (lärare som peffanstuderande)(lärare på vissa plan måst man också bli, som typ förebild).

Människor kan tycka att jag int är som dom vill att jag ska va. ömm.
Så länge jag vet att jag är där Jesus vill ha mig, och så länge jag tycker om mig själv, är jag nöjd. Tro nu sen int att jag trampar på tårna med flit, de e sånt som händer när vi e lite olika. Vi måst bara lära oss hur man tar hand om skadade tår kanske.

Vet ni.
Igår, juldagen till ära.
Steg min storebror in genom dörren.
Efter tre o en halv vecka fick jag träffa honom igen.
Det var fint. Jag fick lite (läs mycket) Guyana-abstinens åtgärdad.
Wohooo. Tänk att Jesus har såna finurliga vägar. Det tycker jag e lite roligt.
Tack. Det var det bästa. Hugh!


o snart är det ju MVV också. Jag hoppas ni har anmält er, speciellt ungutterösar pratar jag till och om och med.

Idag har jag spelat trummor. Jag enjoyar det hårt.

Jag har promenadat, skönt!

Jag har sett mig själv i spegeln o konstaterat att jag e snygg än en gång.

Jag stickar rosa sockor. Tecken på ålderdom eller vad? Jag tycker tillochmed att de e roligt. Tur att jag int bryr mig om vad andra tycker. :D

Förresten så är det ju jul också. Jag börjar ha nog av kölden nu. Sommar kom med sol o värme. Hemma i tre veckor har vi varit nu, det känns nog som mera.

mjo.

Hyvää joulua kaikille. Tänk på Jesus.

OCH DET KOM SNÖ. MASSOR. JAG SKOTTA GÅRDEN, DET VAR NÄSTAN SKÖNT. JAG HOPPAS PÅ LITE BLÖTARE SNÖ, DÅ BLIR DET SNÖBOLLSKRIG FÖR HELA SLANTEN. AAAAH. IGÅR VAR JAG TILL EN MYSIG VÄN PÅ TE, SEDAN DANSÖVNING. HAHA. ETT WIENERBRÖD FICK JAG AV MIN MAMMA OCKSÅ, SCHYSST. JAG HAR SÅ MYCKET BRA MUSIK SÅ JAG SKU KUNA LYSSNA HELA DAGEN UTAN ATT BLI UTTRÅKAD. MINA FLÄTOR AR BORTA NU, SORGLIGT MEN SANT. VI LAGAR PÅNYTT, EN VACKER DAG. IDAG ÄR JAG HELT UTAN PROGRAM!! BOK HÄR KOMMER JAG. IMORGON LOVSÅNGSÖVNING, FREDAG JULFEST I SION. LÄTT ATT VI GILLAR. höhö.

ENJOY YOUR DAY.

jaahapp. Imorgon har jag varit hemma två veckor. Tiden går, varken snabbt eller långsamt, den bara finns. Och jag försöker ta vara på den genom att chilla och umgås. Jag tror det är bra. Skönt iaf. Jag har hunnit med ungutterö, berättat vad jag lärt mig åt Sionungarna (:D) och tro det eller ej, jag har stått i julgranskören i år igen! Jag har hunnit va ti FKF otaliga gånger, mycket pga av julshowen, men också på glögg. Jag har njutit! Det är fruktansvärt kallt vissa stunder, och min enhästponny låter sig inte bli varm alltförsnabbt. " Int har du väl på AC" va de en fin vän som fråga. haha! Men, jag överlever.

Nu har jag börjat läsa en bok också. Mannen som grät. Jeremias liv lär den ska handla om. Jag tror den är bra.